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:iconsnakes-on-a-plane:
Ookay, here we go~ As I said, I love Ren, and I'm probably not going to find much wrong here XD

General info: Everything looks good here, it's always refreshing to see unseated OCs, since everyone seems to think gaining a seat is incredibly easy right out of the academy~

Again, I love the pairing, and the fact that he's transgendered. It's a really interesting touch.

Love the appearance description, very clear and not too wordy. And the fact that you have someone who was tortured and actually has something to show for it.

I'm so glad you have him trans and describe how it's affected him. There's a good balance between negative and positive traits, and the description makes it easy to imagine his character without reading his story. The indecisive factor is well explained, and very unique for an OC like him.

Everything is well explained, and I don't see any problems here~

The Hive: This was a big risk you took in the character, and I really like it. Instead of just becoming a visored or a hollow, you took the hollowfication thing a step further and it works really well.
The one thing I would like to see is how they interact with the outside world, if at all. You mentioned Ren is present 95% of the time, but it is unclear (to me at least) how and when different hive members take control, if at all.

Someday I'd like to read the bio too~

Battle information: Strengths match the 11th divisioner model, which makes sense. So do the weaknesses, and it's a nice balance.

The fighting style is a nice touch, and fits his personality well. I like that you added the bit for the hive, that sort of answers my previous question~

zanpakuto: Excellent descriptions, and the spirit is extremely suitable for Ren.

And hooray for vibrational zanpakuto~
It does strike me wrong that an unseated shinigami has a bankai, though. Just a personal thing, and it is well explained, and probably would be better explained with a bio~
Despite that, it's well thought out and described, and you obviously did your research for it. And I like the final attack being only used by Rage, it makes perfect sense C:

And the notes are a nice touch too~

All in all, outstanding character! So bravo haha
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Comments


:iconkemmasandi:
Kemmasandi Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I just have to mention, as soon as you said 'vibrational zanpaku-to' my mind dived deeeeep into the gutter and much lulz was had. :iconheplz:

Quick story time: Back when I was 14 and creating Ren for the first time, he had a seated position. I don't remember which rank, 7th seat or something like that. However, I had a friend who told me that given his personality, it was unlikely any military organization would promote him to an officer position. I took the warning to heart - and it was a good thing I did, because in developing him I've exacerbated a lot of his not-so-good tendencies :XD:
Besides, being unseated makes him stand out in the crowd these days! :lol: Glad you approve~

YukiRen ship, taking over the world one convert at a time... :giggle:

Given the Arrancars' situation as rival-powers and designated evil dudes, I doubt they'd bother to use torture methods which left no visible scars... Power plays, I guess...

The Hive were my second big risk, along with his gender... I'm glad you think they work as they are. :love:
I'm thinking you're onto something with how they interact... might add that to their entries in the Hive section. Some of them don't really interact much with the outside world at all- 4% of that leftover 5% is the Blood Knight being stoic :lol:

Someday I'll get around to writing his bio... far in the future :lol:

Ren's bankai will be explained better in his bio - it's actually the only part of his history I'm absolutely sure how to play out.
When he was Hollowfied, it was a much more complete Hollowfication than what the Visoreds underwent, screwing up his higher thought processes to a fair extent and introducing new aspects to his already conflicted subconscious. Over the course of his subsequent imprisonment, his bond with Aoi was almost completely severed. When he underwent Dissociation, it was too far gone to be healed just like that, much like the rest of his fragile psyche. As part of his therapy, he began working on reforging said bond [as a shinigami, it's a large part of his identity anyway, and it gave him a goal to work towards while he was suspended from his usual duties].
Because of the damage, he had to put in a lot more effort to reach Aoi than is usual to re-attain shikai, which under normal circumstances would have been considered a good base from which to attempt to attain bankai under normal conditions. Since Yukiya had attained his own bankai over the Winter War, he knew what it took, and suggested to Ren that maybe working for bankai might be a good idea. Ren's psychologist disapproved, but JJ and Arisa latched onto the idea... they eventually wheedled, persuaded and threatened Ren into considering the idea, and a few years down the track, he capitulated. Aoi was well aware that he'd basically been forced into it, so she played as hard to get as she could, thinking Ren would give up after a decade or so. He didn't, though - it took him a very long time to get through to her, but he did in the end. :D

...I should copypaste that last bit, work on his bio a bit XD

Thank you again for this, these critique trades have proved very useful! :glomp:
Reply
:iconsnakes-on-a-plane:
snakes-on-a-plane Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Excelleeeent~ I have one sound/vibrational one and I always think of vibrators haha

I do I do XD and yeah, he doesn't have much of an officer mentality~ people don't usually take it int account :P

Yes, please do cause I'd like to know more about them~

Okay, that does make things more clear~

haha no prob~ I'm glad you like them, because I have quite a few characters XD
Reply
:iconkemmasandi:
Kemmasandi Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I just have to mention, as soon as you said 'vibrational zanpaku-to' my mind dived deeeeep into the gutter and much lulz was had. :iconheplz:

Quick story time: Back when I was 14 and creating Ren for the first time, he had a seated position. I don't remember which rank, 7th seat or something like that. However, I had a friend who told me that given his personality, it was unlikely any military organization would promote him to an officer position. I took the warning to heart - and it was a good thing I did, because in developing him I've exacerbated a lot of his not-so-good tendencies :XD:
Besides, being unseated makes him stand out in the crowd these days! :lol: Glad you approve~

YukiRen ship, taking over the world one convert at a time... :giggle:

Given the Arrancars' situation as rival-powers and designated evil dudes, I doubt they'd bother to use torture methods which left no visible scars... Power plays, I guess...

The Hive were my second big risk, along with his gender... I'm glad you think they work as they are. :love:
I'm thinking you're onto something with how they interact... might add that to their entries in the Hive section. Some of them don't really interact much with the outside world at all- 4% of that leftover 5% is the Blood Knight being stoic :lol:

Someday I'll get around to writing his bio... far in the future :lol:

Ren's bankai will be explained better in his bio - it's actually the only part of his history I'm absolutely sure how to play out.
When he was Hollowfied, it was a much more complete Hollowfication than what the Visoreds underwent, screwing up his higher thought processes to a fair extent and introducing new aspects to his already conflicted subconscious. Over the course of his subsequent imprisonment, his bond with Aoi was almost completely severed. When he underwent Dissociation, it was too far gone to be healed just like that, much like the rest of his fragile psyche. As part of his therapy, he began working on reforging said bond [as a shinigami, it's a large part of his identity anyway, and it gave him a goal to work towards while he was suspended from his usual duties].
Because of the damage, he had to put in a lot more effort to reach Aoi than is usual to re-attain shikai, which under normal circumstances would have been considered a good base from which to attempt to attain bankai under normal conditions. Since Yukiya had attained his own bankai over the Winter War, he knew what it took, and suggested to Ren that maybe working for bankai might be a good idea. Ren's psychologist disapproved, but JJ and Arisa latched onto the idea... they eventually wheedled, persuaded and threatened Ren into considering the idea, and a few years down the track, he capitulated. Aoi was well aware that he'd basically been forced into it, so she played as hard to get as she could, thinking Ren would give up after a decade or so. He didn't, though - it took him a very long time to get through to her, but he did in the end. :D

...I should copypaste that last bit, work on his bio a bit XD

Thank you again for this, these critique trades have proved very useful! :glomp:
Reply
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