Absolutely terrible

The figure slumped on the ground was very still, even when someone straddled the prone form and shook her shoulder roughly. Technically you weren’t supposed to move an unconscious person like that, but the brunette woman knew it wouldn’t make a difference in this instance.

“Jo… Jo…Merde mi sol, I didn’t hit you that hard, did I?”

The blonde didn’t move a muscle, save for the deep, even breathing. Not even a twitch from the limbs strewn uncomfortably about on the hard-packed dirt.

A few more seconds of shaking, and Eliot began to get worried. She rolled the lanky blonde onto her back and patted her cheek, this time with a little urgency. Still nothing.

“Hola… earth to Jo!” Eliot cupped her cheeks, checking her over for any obvious injuries. She’d only hit Jo with a low-level hado spell, so the only explanation would be that she had been hiding an injury from Eliot. It wouldn’t be the first time, the smaller woman thought wryly as she prodded Jo. There was more worry showing in her slightly frantic touch this time; she really didn’t want to start panicking, but her lover was out cold and she couldn’t figure out why. She shakily finished her examination, and…

She turned up with nothing. No hidden injuries. Eliot frowned and quickly glanced at her love’s face… where she could see the corner of her mouth twitch, just slightly.

Oh… you little shithead! Eliot almost let the thought escape out loud, but managed to turn it into a small sigh. Jo was messing with her… At least she knew how to deal with that.  

“Dios mio… I guess I’ll have to carry you…” She said out loud, an edge still in her voice but a grin shaping her lips. She held her hands over Jo and wiggled her fingers in anticipation. “Good thing I know just where to hold you~”

With that, she groped Jo’s boobs, and the blonde immediately squawked and bolted upright. Eliot kept her grip, and the awkwardly ticklish Jo rolled around helplessly underneath her, laughing hoarsely.

“E-El…. Stop!! I-I…” She could barely get a word out, and Eliot’s wicked grin only got wider, her tongue poking out a bit.

“Is not funny to play dead mi sol! This Is la retibuciÓn!!” At that statement she cackled wickedly, the sound nearly lost in Jo’s howling.

“Okay!! Stop!! I-I get it…. P-please babe, I’m gonna pee!” Jo shrieked, and after a second more Eliot stopped, and took a seat on the out of breath woman’s stomach, her body still twitching from the torture.

“Oh~ If only the rest of the Soul Society could see what a big, howling dork their stoic badass really is~” Eliot chuckled, and patted Jo’s shoulder.

Jo simply gave her a glare, the effect ruined by the smile she couldn’t keep down. “Or what a masochist their Kido Chief is… remind me never to prank you again…”

Eliot laughed. “Jo, that was terrible in the first place… You should just take pranking off your repertoire. You really suck.”

Jo pouted, which didn’t last long when her partner captured her lips slyly.

“Besides, you’re much better at other things~”

~~~~

A blonde streak crashed through Sauria’s door, and the latter woman nearly jumped a foot off her couch at the intrusion.

“Jo! What the hell??” Her face paled in concern at Jo’s stricken expression.

“Ria…” She croaked, and grabbed for Sauria’s arm. “It’s Layla… S-she.-“ Her words were cut off when Sauria flipped their positions immediately and began dragging Jo out the door.

“Layla what??” She practically screamed, already hysterical. “Where is she??” Despite the question, Sauria still lead the two, nearly pulling Jo’s arm out of its socket.

“She’s at her place!” She yelped as she was yanked again, this time in the direction of Layla’s quarters.

“What happened??” Sauria demanded as she essentially dragged Jo along. The blonde hesitated, but finally spoke up.

“I… I found her…” She cleared her throat, but Sauria didn’t notice. “She was lying on the floor!” Jo finally managed, just as they reached their target and Sauria nearly broke down the door.

“Layla!!” She screamed, and bolted inside to the sight of her girlfriend sprawled across her kitchen floor, bright red hair splayed messily over her face. She wasn’t breathing.

Sauria shakily dropped to her knees, grabbing wildly for the redhead and shaking her. “L-layla…?” She choked out, tears starting to form, when-

“Aprril Jokes!” The previously ‘dead’ Layla shouted gleefully, and twisted around to wrap the taller woman in a hug. Jo snorted and laughed loudly, her shoulders shaking.

“It’s ‘April Fools’, holy crap Layla…” She chuckled. Layla shrugged, grinning into the frozen Sauria’s shoulder.

“Whateber~” She chuckled and leaned back to view Sauria’s reaction. “Well? Werre you prranked?” Her face fell slightly at Sauria’s tearful look. “…Mahal?”

“T-that’s your idea of a joke?” the brunette stammered, and wiped her tears away as anger set in. “What the hell is wrong with you??” She glared at Layla, who visibly shrank away from her.

“Mahal… I didn’t mean to make you mad! And it was Jo’s idea!”

Sauria turned to fix her glare on the blonde, who held up her hand.

“Hey! Layla said she wanted a prank for April Fool’s, this was her idea!” Sauria got to her feet and stalked toward Jo, who tried backing up.

“Why are you gonna belie-“ Her defense was cut short as Sauria planted her fist into the side of Jo’s face, a hit hard enough to send a normal person to the floor. Jo, however, simply stumbled backward, her hand coming up to rub the already-forming bruise.

Sauria rounded on Layla, brandishing a finger dangerously. “I’m not speaking to you today.” She seethed, and turned on her heel to stomp out the door, muttering about idiots and people messing with feelings.

Jo raised an eyebrow at Layla, rubbing the nasty bruise on her jaw.

“Why the hell didn’t she hit you??”

~~~~
Matt sighed as he trudged toward his home, rolling his shoulders after an aggravating and long day. It was a relief to get home and away from people… who had problems he just didn’t care about. How he got roped into a Gotei job without even being in it was beyond him.

Oh well. Money is money.

He slid open his front door and stepped into the dark hallway, kicking off his shoes and noting his boyfriend’s were absent. He was probably working late again. Matt shrugged to himself and headed t the kitchen, fully prepared to enjoy a bit of solitude.

He rounded the corner, and a massive intruder popped out from behind the wall, roaring at him, partially masked by the darkness.

Matt followed his instincts and snapped his fist right where he gauged the figure’s nose to be, his strike too quick to dodge. An indignant, and familiar squawk emitted from them as he made contact.

He could her it stumble and fall as he casually reached for the lights, and as they flicked to life they revealed none other than Jo, lying on the floor clutching a bloody nose. He stared impassively at her.

“Dabit batt, what the hell??” She moaned, her voice muffled by her hand.

Matt rolled his eyes. “How did you even get in here?”

“I picked the lock… Ad did you serious-“

“Wait… I just realized I don’t care.” Jo glared at him, and he simply offered his hand. She took it with a huff and let him pull her to her feet.

“Well… got adything to say?” She struggled with the words through her broken nose, and pinched it to keep from getting blood on Matt’s floor.

“Yeah… You are absolute shit at pranks.” Jo’s face fell, but Matt simply put his hands on her shoulders and started pushing her towards the door. “And… get out of my house.”

Jo resisted his shoving, and turned to look at him sheepishly. “Bepore I go… Cad you heal my dose?”

“Why can’t you have Eliot do it?”

“She wod’t heal it, she’ll just laugh at be…” Jo pouted, and Matt hesitated just before the door, considering.

Finally, he gave her a strong shove and forced her out his door. “You deserve it.” He stated flatly, and slammed the door behind her.

~

Eliot did heal Jo, but she laughed the whole time she fixed her nose.

“Mi sol… you have a Trickster for a Zanpakuto. How are you so bad at this?

Jo sighed. “Am I really that bad?”

Eliot chuckled and patted her cheek lovingly.

“You’re literally the worst~”